well the last two weeks have been super challenging for me-- i made it through DH's graduation fairly well. i still worked out in the morning and i tried to eat clean for breakfast & lunch (the meals i had the most control over) and then-- well to be quite honest, i drank my face off to survive grandma. in fact i was such a emotional wreck during the whole bloody 3 days (thurs-sat) with her and her nasty and/or obnoxious comments to me/around me that i managed to shut my bowels down. yup... down for the count. didn't get 'em going again til Tuesday (the 9th) morning, neither. since then its been social hour after social hour and dinners and drinks and schmoozing up the whole new group of friends, etc... its been failure after failure for me when it comes to eating clean because i hate drawing attention to myself and i'm such an emotional disaster that i'm afraid that by asking for water or just having salad-- instead of the fried chicken-- that someone will say something to me and i'll be mortified.
the agoraphobia is in full swing... i'd just as soon crawl into a whole and die than do this much longer. when people look at me, they see this fun, bubbly, quick-witted jersey girl... if they could see on the outside how i am on the inside- i doubt anyone would come near me. i feel that ugly.
did i mention my MIL is arriving today? *faints*
I hope everything settles down and gets better for you soon!
ReplyDeletethanks so much. as per usual, it ended up not being nearly as horrible an experience as i had worked myself up to think it might be. *sigh* thanks for your support!
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